Dunkeys Best of 2017
2017 was possibly the single greatest year ever for video games. So, naturally, only two games were good enough this year to make it onto my list. I feel like everybody got what they wanted this year. RPG fans got Divinity II with Persona 5. You sick bastards out there got this Nioh game that makes me wanna die. Also, if you are interested in slots games, see this Slot RPG Ranking by MyCasinoIndex.
Robot Shoot was pretty funny. Uh… Yakuza Zero, you know, chicken managers… …still playing some Overwatch. I thought Doomfist was a great addition. I love the way they rolled him out with the missing Infinity Gauntlet.
Uh, PUBG was a game that was released. Resident Evil 7 revived the original style of the franchise, but without the terrible controls. Then you had Edith Finch, which was basically a video game adaptation of Gone Home. Samus Returns was really fun and Yooka-Laylee, which raised $2,000,000 got its ass kicked by Hat in Time, which raised $300,000. Okay, big boy time. In life, you have two choices.
You either play Shovel Knight or die. Specter of Torment is another free expansion for the Kickstarter that keeps on giving. It tells the tragic story of how Tony Hawk Pro Skater became the Grim Reaper. It might look like Shovel Knight but it ingrains rail grinding, air-dashing, and wall running so beautifully that it feels like a new game.
If DLC was always this good, EA would be my favorite company. Furi is a game where every boss fight feels like the final boss. They taunt you, they demand you get back in your prison cell, they pound you into a pulp, and even make you doubt the righteousness of your own quest towards freedom. But the soundtrack, man.
It keeps egging you on to whoop some ass! ♪ “A Monster” ♪ by Waveshaper In the game S U P E R H O T you gotta kill a bunch of red guys, and then the guy comes on and goes S U P E R H O T The premise is that time only moves forward when you do which in turn allows you to pull off some ludicrous shit. Whoa. Gimme that! Ooh ho ho!
There’s no music. Just the sounds of lead and glass sliding across the level. You can slice through a bullet with a samurai sword, throw a bottle at a dude’s head, grab his gun in the air, shoot him with it.
Basically, Superhot allows you to become John Wick. [Jules Winnfield]: “Shit, negro! That’s all you had to say!” This year, I learned that every game is actually the game Dark Souls. “I think we’ve kind of made the Dark Souls of uh, competitive first-person shooters.” But you know what game isn’t like Dark Souls?
Dark Souls 3. [Agent J]: “You used to drive that old busted joint.” [Agent J]: “See, I drive the new hotness.” [Agent J]: “Old and busted.”
[Agent J]: “New hotness.” Dark Souls will always be an important game not only for launching Miyazaki and his team to massive success, but for proving that there is still a commercial interest in challenging games. It’s also a game with dozens of memorable moments like uh… Remember in Dark Souls 1 where if the rat bit you you’re now poisoned until you die? Remember this boss? Remember how if you run past the enemy straight to the boss fight, they keep chasing you even after you beat him and I can’t see shit because the camera is more interested in this stupid ass tree?!
Thank you, Dark Souls. Remember how this guy’s leg has a hitbox? Remember this guy who puts a debuff on you so you can’t roll?
Remember how if you get too close to the Hydra, you fall in the lake and die? Remember Snake Fortress? Remember Blighttown?
Remember Snake Fortress? Remember the good feature where if you swing your weapon, you just hit the wall instead every single time? Let’s just say Dark Souls 3 takes a different approach to difficulty. The combat is far more reliable and fluid than the older titles and it compensates for this with foes that are absolutely vicious.
Right out the gate, it pits you against this mammoth knight who will piledrive you into hell if you slip up. The first time I fought this guy, it probably took me around eight tries to finally take him down and then I realized “Shit. That was just the first enemy in the game.” Most RPGs hammer the player with hours of expository dialogue but Dark Souls tell a story simply by you walking through its rich evocative settings. I don’t need any cutscenes to tell me this is not the McDonald’s parking lot, okay? This is clearly the Burger King parking lot.
If Dark Souls 1 scared you off from the series, come back and give this one a shot. It can be tough, but it’s fair. Most of the time. [Agent J]: “Old busted hotness.”
♪ Hollow Knight is pretty much just Dark Souls. I beat Doom a couple times last year, but it wasn’t until my 5th time through this year that I thought “Yeah, maybe this is a good game.” In a horde of mediocre single-player shooters, Doom stands out by not forcing the player to hide behind shit the entire game like a little bitch. It’s also one of the few shooters that feels better on a controller, thanks to some great aim assist.
In a cover shooter, levels typically play out like this. Move up. Shoot.
Move up. Boo boo boom! Go here. Bah bam! Doom is more like VROOOOOOM VERANGHHHH You are bouncing all over the place, picking up health and ammo, smashing guys with your melee attack.
Look at this new Call of Duty. *cork pop* You probably didn’t see it, but I just killed a guy right there. Now look at Doom. [MANCIBUS EXPLODES] Now that’s how you do it. This is a cute little game about a cup who is addicted to gambling so he has to kill all of these people in order to sacrifice their souls to Satan. The irony of Cuphead is that it’s the easiest run ‘n’ gun I’ve ever played and it’s still a motherfucker.
Even after fighting them multiple times in a row, the bosses in this game remain ruthless and unpredictable. You’ll get your ass whooped by a carrot. You’ll get your ass whooped by a potato. FUCK YOU YOU SHIT DRAGON PIECE OF SHI- In 25 years since the Sega Genesis, developers have pursued hundreds of technological innovations to avert gamers’ attention away from fun. Sonic Mania has no need for these distractions because it is fun.
It’s fun as hell. HEEEEEEE YEAH! I remember one time I was playing as the blue character.
I believe his name is uh… Ronald. And I- I saw this mosquito guy and I was like *boom* Every time I pick this game up for a couple minutes, I end up playing it through to the end. The levels in this game are so fine-tuned, so meticulously constructed to keep that momentum going and going. The rhythm of it is infectious.
It knows exactly when to put your platforming chops to the test and when to relinquish control and shoot you through it 300 miles an hour. Breath of the Wild might be the first open-world game to live up to its own massive scope. Nearly every inch of the map seemed deliberate. You always feel like you’re in the right place, like your own personal sense of discovery will be rewarded in some way. In contrast to most stuff on this list, ♪ “You’re mine” ♪ by Carpenter Brut Zelda is far more laid-back and serene.
Most of the game entails climbing and soaring around cel-shaded environments. with sparse minimalist melodies drifting through the breeze. The combat and puzzles actively prod your imagination and encourage the player to bend the game’s systems to their will.
I don’t think I’ve had this much fun just toying around with a game’s mechanics since the Phantom Pain. Nothing feels far-fetched. If you can dream it up, chances are it can be done.
Watch. I’m gonna shoot myself all the way to the volcano. Watch and learn, boys. …game fucking sucks. *drum roll* SUPAH MARIO ODYSSEY, BAYBE- MMM, THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!
It’s like a fucking theme park of platforming! The whole experience is anchored around collectibles. That feeling when the next thing is right around the corner and it always is and it’s always something incredible! You have the stretchy caterpillar, you got the beak bird, you got the onion, you got the wire, the Chain Chomp, the T-Rex, the tank, the fork… You can be a Goombahs, you can be a frog, and of course, the tree. This is the best one.
Honestly, this game shouldn’t exist. It’s not even possible. Mario Odyssey is a miracle video game.
Okay, let’s break out the list. You got the good games. You got the real good ones, and then you enter the Mastapeece Zone. If you haven’t played these ones, shame on you.
And then… the Big Boys. Now, I put a lot of thought into where Mario Odyssey belongs on this list… …and I’m gonna go ahead and put it right up there with the Big Boys. It is that goddamn good! Yep.
And then of course, you have SUPAH MARIO BROTHERS 2!